i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
