ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
