How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
