Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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