highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sobbing to NWA
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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