Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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