Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
