how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
