I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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