I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
