Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
