who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
