Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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