Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
