Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
do nipples grow back?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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