she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sext me about skeletons
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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