I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
