just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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