I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
