He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
