just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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