so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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