i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
