Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Mom said you looked used
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
