Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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