Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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