Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
