Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
