i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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