Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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