It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
