That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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