just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
