I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
