And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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