the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
