five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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