Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
