I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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