yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
