In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
