Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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