He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
