Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
