I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
