I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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