The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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