if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
