just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
