The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
40s are totally the cure
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
