Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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