Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
