my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
