YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
