If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
