My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
