Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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