hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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