i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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