Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Who died my cat blue again?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
