So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
